Dear Gordon Campbell, You're the Best

This is an open letter to the Premier of British Columbia. All tongue firmly planted cheekishly!

Dear Premier,
Congratulations on finally giving yourself the raise you weren't able to push through a year or so ago! Too bad you had to dress it up as a tax cut, eh.
Also, on behalf of all the slum lords around the province, I'd like to thank you for raising the Income Assistance shelter rates. That extra fifty bucks a month oughta make poker night at the Penthouse a little more interesting.
I'd also like to thank you for setting up all those extra emergency shelter beds. I was wondering where we were going to hide all the homeless when the Olympics get here. Now, thanks to you, we won't have to put them all on busses and send them to Alberta.
On behalf of all the real estate developers, landlords, speculators and developers I'd like to thank you for not wasting the surplus on building public housing. Building public housing would take too much pressure off the housing market and reduce the soaring cost of homes in the province. If you did that we would all have to work too hard to make a lot less profit. Now, thanks to you, we can get paid way too much and live fat and happy without all the fuss.
Methinks the banks are also grateful because the high prices of houses will allow them to forclose so much easier. Nothing like forclosing on the working people's dreams to keep the mood high down at the Gentlemen's Club.
Finally, I want to thank you for cutting funding to daycares. Last thing we want in this province is mom's going to work while their kids are learning their abc's from qualified pre-school teachers. Moms belong barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, and thanks to you a lot more of them will be where they belong.
Also, I really want to thank you for paying so much attention to the environment in your throne speech and then making no provisions for it in your budget. I was worried there for a moment that you might actually be concerned for the future of our world and our children. It would have been quite a shock if you'd been serious. My opinion of you would have been drastically altered. I'm really glad to see it was all hot air. That's the Premier we all know and love.
Anyway, Mr. Campbell, thanks again. You're doing a wonderful job and I'm sure all your rich friends have warm fuzzies for you.
With all due respect,
Will Webster